I haven’t written anything in a while.
People have been asking me why.
At this point,
I have so much to say I don’t know how to say it.
I worry about saying too much
Or not enough,
Police sirens whirr through my mind
Making creativity impossible.
I fear judgement,
Mostly from those I love,
But also from strangers,
Breaking down my professional lady disguise.
I must remember that
No one is one-dimensional
And vulnerability isn’t weakness,
[Or if it is,
It doesn’t mean I’m not strong.]
I’m in therapy again.
A lot of it.
She tells me to call my dad by his first name,
[Jef with one f]
To forgive my teenage self
For drinking the pain away.
I have to remember, that’s the thing,
To dive in and roll around
In the secrets I buried roses around-
Beautiful from a distance,
Painful when you get too close.
I made them something they are not.
I have to re-learn my past.
I have to forgive myself.
Why am I not writing?
There is too much to say,
And I’m still learning the language.