I haven’t written anything in a while.
People have been asking me why.
At this point,
I have so much to say I don’t know how to say it.
I worry about saying too much
Or not enough,
Police sirens whirr through my mind
Making creativity impossible.
I fear judgement,
Mostly from those I love,
But also from strangers,
Breaking down my professional lady disguise.
I must remember that
No one is one-dimensional
And vulnerability isn’t weakness,
[Or if it is,
It doesn’t mean I’m not strong.]
I’m in therapy again.
A lot of it.
She tells me to call my dad by his first name,
[Jef with one f]
To forgive my teenage self
For drinking the pain away.
I have to remember, that’s the thing,
To dive in and roll around
In the secrets I buried roses around-
Beautiful from a distance,
Painful when you get too close.
I made them something they are not.
I have to re-learn my past.
I have to forgive myself.
Why am I not writing?
There is too much to say,
And I’m still learning the language.
Absolutely awesome. I love this and I see much healing in these words. You are remarkable. Don’t let ANYONE take away from who you are. You are precious in God’s sight and all that know you. Just let the garbage go honey. It is gone, you can’t FIX it and you can’t make it pretty. It is what it is and as long as you learned from it you won the battle. I love you.