The Price of Objectification

The Price of Objectification

I am what you see. Just looking for attention With my painted face And single dimension. Obviously Trying too hard To be artsy. I am what you see. Once a man told me I had dick sucking lips. My then-boyfriend laughed At his hilarious quip And I felt my identity Fall away from me, I lacked the audacity To even plea For a longer look, A second chance. I am what you see. I wear a skirt Because I want you to stare And I shave my legs So I’m not embarrassed By the looks I’ve come to expect. Smiling makes me a flirt Although it’s only politeness I try to assert How could I be an introvert? I am what you see. I can’t fool you In my t-shirt, Sweatshirt, I’m only good for one thing: My sexuality, Both prized and shamed, Is what you seek. Use me up And throw me away Shout...

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Singularity

Singularity

It could have been a dream. They’ve been very realistic, Lately, And I’m having a hard time Knowing the difference. I’m never truly awake Or asleep Somehow half-alive In the midway point Of insanity And happiness And the semi-permanent Jet lag Now that I know I’m living on the wrong continent. Constantly counting 5 hours ahead On my fingers. And a grocery store Is a depressing place At 10pm On Sunday night. Some song was playing Vaguely reminiscent Of the 90’s And it was almost Deserted. The aisles Seemed to stretch Into infinity Row after row Of flavored frostings And frozen pizzas. And I’m constantly fatigued Always in pain Even a little And I find myself dizzy At inappropriate times Like alone, In a store And catching wandering eyes Of strangers In polo shirts...

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Narcissist

Narcissist

Friendship Is not an obligation And I wasn’t leaving Until you pushed me away. You stupid men Treat me like an accessory- A date to concerts And a dining partner. And god forbid I don’t answer the phone. I’m not a possession Not a trophy to be won Or even earned. And you feign worry- How am I doing, You’ll ask- But all you want to know Is have I been out With someone else. Which is none Of your concern. You have A singular motivation- Accidentally brushing my hand, A casual touch of my thigh. You’re not fooling me. And god forbid I shut down. Maybe I don’t want to talk about it. Maybe you push me And make me anxious And you hurt me And I can’t be That person to everyone. The non-emergency contact. If you wanted To be my friend You’d understand that. You would...

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Undertow

Undertow

Relationships, For all their good intentions, Will leave you wanting, sometimes. Ultimately, They will drain you in some unavoidable way Like the rip tide at the beach- You can’t see it Until it pulls you under. And love is like that. So you try to stand guard, Let others Know where you are. Try not to venture past the net. But it’s so tempting, And try as you might, You just can’t stop yourself. And sometimes you drown. That beautiful thing Only looked perfect from far away. What you thought was a rock, Some semblance of strength, Was actually just a clump Of seaweed and dead fishes And bird shit But it took you a while to notice Because the sun was in your eyes. And you wasted your time. So you swim back to shore. Dry out, get a tan, Get your shit together, And...

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Everything

Everything

Can I live? Can I go to the grocery store And buy some goddamn cookies Without getting followed around? Without a “damn, angel,” Or “he’s a lucky man.” I don’t need no man. Also, leave me alone. Can I live? I didn’t dress up for you this morning. Nobody’s going to see these thigh-highs but me. This dress was my mother’s. And I bought this necklace on a trip with my sister. I dressed up for me, To make me feel better. Now I feel dirty, somehow. Violated. You’re the gross one. Can I live? Can I have a seat away from the bar? I smell the liquor. But I can’t have a single sip. I can’t even trust my own mind. I feel insane. Self-destructive. It never bothered me before- I accepted it, Made it part of me. Now I will against it, Fighting myself To the death. Can I live?...

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