Mommah

Mommah

Merry christmas, mommah. I don’t know How I’ve come this far Without you. Some might say It’s a tribute To my strength But I’m not so sure. More than anything, I think It’s a tribute to yours. I have an unwillingness To admit defeat Because of you. Because of What you taught me. Taught us. I’m willing to put aside My fear of failure For the possibility Of success. We all thought You had so much longer, So much more time On this earth. We were wrong. I am angry, I am still so angry, Because of what the world lost When you left it. I remember saying goodbye To you, When I walked in your bedroom, And saw your small face, Your frail body, Under that white sheet. I remember the moment That the anticipation ended And I was forced to accept That you were gone. I...

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Felicity

Felicity

There’s something about The lake. Something about Crossing the state line It’s cleansing. 49 days [sober] Into my new life And I finally Feel peace. I will always be A work-in-progress I will always need To improve. And contentment Doesn’t mean Settling for less. Accepting your faults Doesn’t mean You can’t change. You can be happy And incomplete. Serene, And healing. Felicity is possible Without perfection. I can love myself For and despite my flaws And still get better. There’s no need for abuse Any longer. There is no call For anything other Than love. Guilt and shame No longer run my life. My failures don’t define me. Neither do my successes. I am more than a list Of boxes to check. I am more than the sum Of my experiences. More than the unmet needs Of my...

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Hollow

Hollow

What is it about the holidays that can make you feel such complete joy and hopefulness yet still be empty and depressed at the same time? Decorating the tree this year was a little different. The man-friend put up the tree and the lights the night before, and went on a golf trip, so I was alone. Typically, we would do this together, listening to Christmas music and drinking egg nog like we always did when I was a kid. But I liked it. I watched Love Actually (one of the best movies of all time) and hung ornaments. I dug through boxes from mom’s house and pulled out some of her old decorations. It was nice and quiet- kind of a bonding experience with myself. And I thought- I never saw this coming. Not in a million years if you had walked up to me seven years...

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