Twenty Six

Twenty Six

Tomorrow, I am twenty-six.   Usually, I write these, and I focus on the past year: what has happened, and what has changed. But I am changing. I am different, now. And now, I look forward. This year, I will move to England to be with the man I married. I love him more every day. Even from almost four thousand miles away he is there for me. He is kind and gentle and loves me in a way that calms me, in a way that I can curl up with at night, even when I am without him. Soon, we will be together and begin our married life on the same continent. It will be easy and hard in all different ways, and I look forward to learning and growing and even struggling together. Because we will be together, finally, and the challenge of separation has taught me to appreciate...

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Eileen

Eileen

An open letter to my husband’s mother, who was taken from us too soon. Eileen, You’ve never met me. My name is cici, And I’m marrying your son. I want to say thank you. You created My perfect person, My other half, My missing piece. It’s because of you That he exists And that he is the man I know and love. I see your kindness in him, Your gentleness, And giving nature. I picture you Only with the big smile I’ve seen in your photos. We are far away, But I feel close to you. I want you to know The reverence I feel For you and your family. I’ve never been so accepted And treated so wonderfully In all my life. Relationships are complicated But ours is quite simple, really. I am beyond grateful For your impact In all of our lives...

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Pictures

Pictures

The following is just a quick little poem dedicated to my partner, Si. I am reaping the benefits of his secret photography during our time apart.   He likes to take pictures. He has one of those Fancy cameras With the lenses You can take on and off. He takes pictures When people aren’t looking All people, Strangers and friends alike. Rarely, they catch him, And he looks away. I take pictures Of him taking pictures All of it, In secret. I show him later Or not at all, Keeping the memories for myself, Like the faces he makes When he thinks no one’s watching. He takes pictures Of me, sometimes, When I ask him to, Like when we travel. I used to hide from the lens But now I try to see myself Through his eyes. He makes albums Of his pictures, His people-watching...

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Trustworthy

Trustworthy

Maybe it’s an age thing Or a woman thing Or an addict thing But it’s a ludicrous thing To not know Your own mind Or to lack confidence In your opinions. I’m always Looking over my shoulder. Always asking What someone else wants, Or feels, or needs, Or double checking That I’m not bothering them To the point that I’m sure I am. I’m conscious of The way I eat: How and what and when. I worry about taking up space- How close my chair is to the table, I cross my legs on the metro, I avoid an occupied kitchen, Offer to sit in the back of the car, Even curl into a ball in my own bed. Where do I want to go? Anywhere is fine. Am I hungry? I don’t know- are you? I want to contribute without pressure, I want to help without demand. I concern myself with the needs of others,...

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Distance

Distance

I hate distance. Both the word And What it represents. I hate time And miles And measuring The separation Of loved ones Or long drives To old stomping grounds Turned unfamiliar. I hate how long it’s been Since I’ve seen her smile Or held her hand. That the distance Between her and me Is six feet underground And five years. I hate the miles Across the large expanse Of ocean And the dollar bills Or pound notes Needed To bridge the gap. The time Between messages And kisses- It’s been months Since we said goodbye And he got on that plane And flew away from me. And does distance Slowly kill us? The time since birth And dead parents And lonely hearts Knew love. And it’s the word- I’ve used it so much I’m sick of it. How do you do it They ask. And I don’t know. It’s...

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Twenty Four

Twenty Four

It’s been a hell of a ride. 24 years have brought me Hardships and beauty And a new perspective. I honestly wouldn’t change a single thing. If anything in my life had been different I wouldn’t be who I am. And I have to say I love myself. I love that I can grow And learn something new about myself Or about the world Every single day. I love that I can empathize With so many different people With so many different experiences. I love that with this fresh perspective I’ve become less judgmental And more genuinely accepting. To me, Challenges are just that. I know absolutely That there is nothing I can’t overcome. Nothing will ever break me. My hardships Are accomplishments. I’ve survived sexual, physical, mental, emotional, verbal, and financial abuse At the hands...

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