Eileen

Eileen

An open letter to my husband’s mother, who was taken from us too soon. Eileen, You’ve never met me. My name is cici, And I’m marrying your son. I want to say thank you. You created My perfect person, My other half, My missing piece. It’s because of you That he exists And that he is the man I know and love. I see your kindness in him, Your gentleness, And giving nature. I picture you Only with the big smile I’ve seen in your photos. We are far away, But I feel close to you. I want you to know The reverence I feel For you and your family. I’ve never been so accepted And treated so wonderfully In all my life. Relationships are complicated But ours is quite simple, really. I am beyond grateful For your impact In all of our lives...

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Pictures

Pictures

The following is just a quick little poem dedicated to my partner, Si. I am reaping the benefits of his secret photography during our time apart.   He likes to take pictures. He has one of those Fancy cameras With the lenses You can take on and off. He takes pictures When people aren’t looking All people, Strangers and friends alike. Rarely, they catch him, And he looks away. I take pictures Of him taking pictures All of it, In secret. I show him later Or not at all, Keeping the memories for myself, Like the faces he makes When he thinks no one’s watching. He takes pictures Of me, sometimes, When I ask him to, Like when we travel. I used to hide from the lens But now I try to see myself Through his eyes. He makes albums Of his pictures, His people-watching...

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Trustworthy

Trustworthy

Maybe it’s an age thing Or a woman thing Or an addict thing But it’s a ludicrous thing To not know Your own mind Or to lack confidence In your opinions. I’m always Looking over my shoulder. Always asking What someone else wants, Or feels, or needs, Or double checking That I’m not bothering them To the point that I’m sure I am. I’m conscious of The way I eat: How and what and when. I worry about taking up space- How close my chair is to the table, I cross my legs on the metro, I avoid an occupied kitchen, Offer to sit in the back of the car, Even curl into a ball in my own bed. Where do I want to go? Anywhere is fine. Am I hungry? I don’t know- are you? I want to contribute without pressure, I want to help without demand. I concern myself with the needs of others,...

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Distance

Distance

I hate distance. Both the word And What it represents. I hate time And miles And measuring The separation Of loved ones Or long drives To old stomping grounds Turned unfamiliar. I hate how long it’s been Since I’ve seen her smile Or held her hand. That the distance Between her and me Is six feet underground And five years. I hate the miles Across the large expanse Of ocean And the dollar bills Or pound notes Needed To bridge the gap. The time Between messages And kisses- It’s been months Since we said goodbye And he got on that plane And flew away from me. And does distance Slowly kill us? The time since birth And dead parents And lonely hearts Knew love. And it’s the word- I’ve used it so much I’m sick of it. How do you do it They ask. And I don’t know. It’s...

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Twenty Four

Twenty Four

It’s been a hell of a ride. 24 years have brought me Hardships and beauty And a new perspective. I honestly wouldn’t change a single thing. If anything in my life had been different I wouldn’t be who I am. And I have to say I love myself. I love that I can grow And learn something new about myself Or about the world Every single day. I love that I can empathize With so many different people With so many different experiences. I love that with this fresh perspective I’ve become less judgmental And more genuinely accepting. To me, Challenges are just that. I know absolutely That there is nothing I can’t overcome. Nothing will ever break me. My hardships Are accomplishments. I’ve survived sexual, physical, mental, emotional, verbal, and financial abuse At the hands...

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Soulmates

Soulmates

I once had a friend With an interesting opinion On soul mates. Some people believe they don’t exist. That there is not one single human For every other human. That if there was, You might never meet that person And then you’d have to settle Or live your life knowing That someone else Is married to your significant other. Some people believe That there is only one person for everyone. Religious people sometimes believe That a higher power sent their spouse to them. Maybe some of them Simply believe in destiny, Serendipity, Or the whole ‘You’ll find love when you least expect it’ Thing. But this friend, He believed that everyone has a bunch of soul mates. That he had actually loved Each and every girl/woman he’d dated And that they’d all left a lasting impression...

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