Twenty Six

Tomorrow, I am twenty-six.

 

Usually, I write these, and I focus on the past year: what has happened, and what has changed. But I am changing. I am different, now. And now, I look forward.

This year, I will move to England to be with the man I married. I love him more every day. Even from almost four thousand miles away he is there for me. He is kind and gentle and loves me in a way that calms me, in a way that I can curl up with at night, even when I am without him. Soon, we will be together and begin our married life on the same continent. It will be easy and hard in all different ways, and I look forward to learning and growing and even struggling together. Because we will be together, finally, and the challenge of separation has taught me to appreciate that in a way I simply wouldn’t have been able to otherwise.

Tomorrow I will play in the lake the way I did as a child. I will be surrounded by friends and family and I will hear my sister’s laugh and it won’t make me sad that mommah can’t hear it because I can hear it, I am here, and I am grateful. I will eat vegan hot dogs and everyone will make fun of me and I will laugh. I will have a little cake even though it’s not vegan because fuck it, it’s just life, it’s not that serious.

I will work with my sponsor and finish my step work this year. Maybe I will sponsor someone else. I will again speak at 12 step meetings and make friends and have ladies nights and eat lots of Indian food and drink lots of tea, because England. I will add to my story and talk about my past and not shut the door on it and I will help people and every day I will make every hardship worth the cost because maybe it made a difference to someone else. I will get a new job in a totally different place and I will be petrified and do it anyway. We will fix up our flat and, together, we will find a new one. We will get a puppy and I will cry from happiness. Si will experience my experimental vegan cooking for a while before I get it right, and he will be very sweet about it and try to make me feel better when I am disappointed.

This year, everything is beautiful and full of promise because I am beautiful and full of promise.

1 Comment

  1. kathy hornsby
    Jul 29, 2017

    Love this, my dear CiCi! All good wishes on your birthday!

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