England

England

I could sit here forever, Watch life pass me by And wait for something good To finally happen. I could work on my book And write a million poems And let the moon chase me As I drive down the parkway And watch the tide Go in and out. I could dream And dance by myself And look at old notebooks And pictures of ghosts And try, to no avail, To remember voices That have long been silent. I could clean my room And fold my laundry And organize and dust And do these fucking dishes. I could take out the trash. I could buy flowers And go to the cemetery, Sit on the cold stone And wish for things That will never change. Or I could see things I’ve never seen before. Ride a train, Take a chance, Fall in love. I could walk down new streets And meet new people And get out of...

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Narcissist

Narcissist

Friendship Is not an obligation And I wasn’t leaving Until you pushed me away. You stupid men Treat me like an accessory- A date to concerts And a dining partner. And god forbid I don’t answer the phone. I’m not a possession Not a trophy to be won Or even earned. And you feign worry- How am I doing, You’ll ask- But all you want to know Is have I been out With someone else. Which is none Of your concern. You have A singular motivation- Accidentally brushing my hand, A casual touch of my thigh. You’re not fooling me. And god forbid I shut down. Maybe I don’t want to talk about it. Maybe you push me And make me anxious And you hurt me And I can’t be That person to everyone. The non-emergency contact. If you wanted To be my friend You’d understand that. You would...

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Wasted

Wasted

This is why I drink.   I drink because I trust you And you lie to me And I’m forced to re-think, Re-evaluate, Our entire relationship. I drink because I hurt. Painkillers are okay Because it’s my name printed On the side of the bottle. But the name I want to see Is Bombay Sapphire Wild Turkey 101 Hell, Mad Dog 20/20. These are my drugs of choice. I drink because I left him In one night Me and my trusty steed And my getaway bag. I left my home And my boys And never looked back. I drink because she died. She was stolen from me In the ugliest way. I watched her slowly fade. Like a lightning bug On a sticky July night She lit up For the last time And my mother was gone. I drink because it’s easy. Facing demons is tough shit And remembering is difficult. I forgot...

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Addict

Addict

An alcoholic Does not an addict make. I have my vices, Am honest, Make no excuses. I expected static After my confession But not like this. There is a stigma I carry, A label I’ve been placed with Beyond alcoholic, Beyond recovering. Addict. “Hide your bottles, Take the beer from your fridge. We can’t go to that bar. CiCi’s coming. Take your prescriptions Out of the medicine cabinet, Keep your Vicodin In your purse. Better to be safe Than sorry. Put that bag away, We can’t smoke that in front of her. Don’t offer her that joint- We wouldn’t want her replacing One vice for another. Do you really think You should date right now? Don’t you need to focus On recovery? You don’t really have time To worry about someone else.” Alright, everyone. The last time...

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