Stockholm

Stockholm

Jittery and shaky, The world is darker, But somehow the sun shines brighter. Tired, But I can’t stop moving. There’s a ringing in my ears. Calmer, And keyed-up They prescribe the drugs And I take them. Trusting and hoping They can heal me, Fix me, Bind me back together. Make me whole again. Maybe some increased serotonin Can calm the storm inside. Honestly, I don’t know what I’m doing. Blindly stumbling through life, Trying to understand freedom, To understand myself. In some type of abuse-coma, Some drug-induced haze, And I cannot trust my own mind. Trapped inside myself. Trying not to love him, Hate him, hate myself. Stockholm syndrome...

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Intangible

Intangible

I am the anti-theist. By nature, I reject anything illogical. Anything intangible. You cannot trust a feeling. But I feel her with me. In the car that night, Driving away with next-to-nothing I sensed her quiet spirit. In the courtroom, Clutching her necklace Like it was tying me to Earth, I was holding her hand. Even now, As I write this Looking at her picture She is with me, Wiping my tears and Telling me I’ll be fine. She is gone, Honestly, realistically, She is gone. But she has not ceased to exist. Maybe it’s the medication, Or me wishing things were different. Maybe I just fucking miss my mother. She is a part of me, And so I am forever broken. I will always be a little lost. But not without direction. She is my North Star, My East and West, She is the...

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The Nerve

The Nerve

That smug look on his face Makes me sick. I see right through that clip-on tie. Tell them I made it all up, I’m dragging myself through this for sport. Tell them I broke in, That I’ve got people harassing you. Go ahead. Tell your family I’m out to get you. Let anyone who will listen know How absolutely full of shit I am. What’s stopping you? You certainly have no conscience Or moral compass To treat me like you did. You definitely have no concept of love Or loyalty Or respect Or honor. You can’t see the truth Around your horse blinds. If your narcissism wasn’t so disgusting It might be admirable That there’s at least something you can stand by. But you’re not setting the bar too high. There’s nothing preventing you From slandering me, No concept of decency you...

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The Calm Below

The Calm Below

It’s all shiny oil-black Glistening Surrounded by trees And lamp posts All in a row Very on-purpose Like it would grant your wishes Or swallow you whole. You’d just have to trust it. Or maybe not. My skin too soft, I’d never see the other side. I’d drown in the enormity, though, For the promise of something better. A giant playing make-believe In the shallows of my soul. Half-numb But never more awake. The water, Rippling on top, Makes me sure of the calm below. I’d immerse myself, But I’d never get out alive.     Volume Two of my Write Drunk, Edit Sober...

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The Great Divide

The Great Divide

Tonight I hold the moon in place And skate across the starlight. I disregard the great divide. Tonight The air means nothing For I would gladly follow you through space And suffocate through time Before I’d ever let you go. [dedicated to my saving grace.] Volume Three of my Write Drunk, Edit Sober...

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